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Relationship Advice,Help Please

Ok this will be long so consider yourself warned. I usually don’t ask for relationship advice on things like this but my girlfriend has used answers for little tidbits of advice when she needs it so I figured I’d try it out.

Ok so I have been with my wonderful girlfriend,Caty, for almost 2 years now. It’ll be 2 years on December 20th. Well everything has been going great but it seems that one person always causes a problem. First I should probably give you a little bit of a backstory. Caty has this 20 year old male friend named Dustin who she has supposedly been friends with for a long time. Well around nine months into our relationship she comes out and tells me that he asked her to give him nude/dirty pictures of herself. She said she refused and I believe her. Well the guy knew we are together and still asked so I didnt figure she’d let that slide but she did. Well after that she started to miss holidays,meaning wouldn’t talk to me on them. To me I like to be able to at least talk to her on holidays because they’re some of the important dates in our relationship. Well time goes on, she misses halloween,then thanksgiving, followed by our 1 year anniversary(that really hurt),christmas and finally new years ever/new years. Well I’m typically not a jealous person when it comes to her because I trust her with all my heart, but the other day Dustin and his family came to visit her family and she spent the weekend with him. Now this did get me upset because here she is spending time with a guy who does not respect our relationship and wont even talk to me. Well I got through that weekend and she missed Halloween again…which I also just shrugged off. Well last night she tells me that her and Dustin are not friends anymore because he acts like she doesn’t matter now that he has a girlfriend. Well not even five minutes later she tells me her and her family are spending the new years with him and his family. This comes right after she says they are no longer friends. And I decided it was time to explain to her that it hurts knowing that she is going to be spending time with another guy,especially a guy who has asked her for those pics,and will be spending a holiday with him. Well she goes off on me and cries saying I don’t trust her, I tried to explain to her that I don’t trust him and that it is not fair that she misses all these times with me and spends them with another guy. So is it wrong of me to be feeling like this? I don’t like even thinking that im a jealous boyfriend but it really hurts. And what should I do?

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Answer #1

Okay I do think you didn’t do anything wrong, and you even tried talking to her about it when you though enough was enough, which is great, because communication keeps everyone sane in a relationship. However you may have needed to talk to her a bit more when she started missing important dates, especially with the 1-year anniversary.

You have to catch your partners when they do these things or they won’t understand why it’s wrong. So I think you may have given her too much slack, so she will feel that she doesn’t need to give you any excuses for her past, current, and future blow-offs.

Now, about Caty. And I’m going to say all this in a woman’s perspective. I don’t think she respects your relationship enough. If she did, she would know how and when to draw the line with sleazy male best friends. She would know that Dustin asking for dirty pictures of her WHILE she is in a relationship with you is NOT COOL. She should have told him off, and told him to respect what she has with you. In fact, I think that she actually liked the attention from Dustin.

I think she is emotionally immature. She is definitely not ready for a long term committed relationship with a guy who obviously wants to be treated as how he treats her. And if she can’t comprehend how disrespectful it is to you and the relationship “to be spending time with another guy,especially a guy who has asked her for those pics,and will be spending a holiday with him”, then it’s quite obvious that she doesn’t know how to consider your feelings when making decisions. And that’s what people in relationships do, consider the other half’s feelings and needs when making a decision, big or small.

I can’t say if she’s cheating on you or not, she could just be very innocent and clueless that she is being taken advantage of. Hence that I think that she is naive and emotionally immature. Your mature discussion with her about what is bothering you, just seems like an accusation to her, because she is just not mature enough to handle a big responsibility, like a relationship.

I think it’s pretty clear what you should do.

Answer #2

Drop her… find someone a little more appreciative… and a little less clueless…

Answer #3

Dude..she’s cheating.

Get rid of her. It’s obvious.

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