Losing my love

What do you do when the person you love more than anything cheats on you? I’ve been hurt so many times before and I thought I found the one person who I can be happy with. I learned to smile again and to be happy again. I tried so hard to make my life better so I could protect this person. So I can make them happy like they made me. I tried to be worth something at least in their eyes. But now I don’t know what to do. Everynight I get drunk or high or pop pills just about anything I can to forget. I’ve even cut for awhile. Im lost. I cry. I was nothing before I was with her and now im even worse than I was before I met her. When I talk to her, text her, see a pic of her, or hear a song that reminds me of her all I can do is cry. Honestly I dont even know what im trying to ask. All I know is she is my whole life. Im still with her. I cant stop myself from talking to her. I guess people can say im crazy but im not im just in love with her and I fell for her because I always get hurt and so did she and so I thought she was the one to be there for me to make me happy and protect me. She doesnt know about all the bad things I’ve been doing. Ugh just dont know anything any more. I guess the main reason im typing this is cause I fill a little better to talk about it. But what do I do now?? Do I leave her? Give her a chance? But she doesnt know I know whats going on. Can anyone help me in amy way? Im lost in pain I feel like I dont have a heart anymore because its been broken to many times now. Just anyone I need to be saved from all of this crap im doing to myself.