Looking for a little sanity...

I know that I am probably going to get highly criticized and beat down for this but I can take it. I am 32 years old and have been emotionally and physically cheating on my husband for over a year now. The physical part has only occurred a handful of times. He is married as well. I know that this is wrong and have known ever since it began. It started as me challenging myself to see how far I would actually take it and now I can’t seem to make it stop. I’ve gotten myself into an awful situation that I don’t know how to get out of. My husband is a wonderful man who would divorce me in a second if he knew about this. He is very into his profession and he doesn’t quite give me the attention that I need (not making excuses, just telling you how it is). I feel that I do love my husband but I know that what I am doing to him could break him. I can hardly sleep or eat. My thoughts are filled with constant images of me being with this other person and the feelings that I get when we are together. It’s not that I really even have true feelings for him - it’s just the attention and touch of another man that I crave. I’ve tried to stop the communication but I feel as if it’s a drug. I’m afraid that I am letting my whole life slip before me. I don’t want to be this person - I never thought I would be here. I just don’t know how to move on. How do I make my marriage work knowing what I have done? Is it possible? I can’t tell my husband - this isn’t even an option for me. I know that I have no future with this other person and I know it needs to end. I just don’t even know if I have the want or desire to actually end it. I’ve tried to pray about this but sometimes I don’t even know what I’m praying for. I have no one to talk to. I am pretty sick with this person that I have become and wonder if I have a serious mental problem…or if I am just trying to make up for something that my marriage is lacking. Either way I am living a life that has no meaning to me right now and that’s just sad. I’m not trying in any way to make anyone feel sorry for me. I brought this on myself and I will eventually have to pay the consequences.

Has anyone out there been through this? Do I have mental problems or is this just (pathetically enough) adultery at it’s best?