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Is my poem any good

Behind the Pain

He stummbles through the door she jumps at the slam smelling the acholol on his breath as he yells

shes afraid to speak knowing it might trigger him he walks closer and closer grabs her hair..she yelps

he doesnt care he just keeps on and on she tells her self … its his way of loving her

deep down she knows it is’nt love he releases her notices she crying… trys to comfort her

but behind the pain behind the bruises and welts she still loves him

its not the best I have wrote but its good I think

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Answer #1

I think you need a better ending it sounds like its going on and like themoviemaverik person said you need comapreing and contrasting and it’ll be really good

Answer #2

I find the main storyline to be quite powerful, though I don’t find the ending as an ending. (I feel as if there’s still more to write about)

Answer #3

It sounds amazing if you say it out loud. Keep it up and one day you might even get your work published. I like doing poems and stories myself. But your poem is so powerful, it really speaks out to me. =o)

Answer #4

There isn’t any depth to it. Unless I am missing something, everything is pretty much straightforward. Have more fun when writing. (and by fun, I don’t mean actual fun) Try to connect this to other things in life, using comparing and contrasting. Metaphors and similes are great ways to show even deeper how you or the characters feel. Shakespeare did it all the time. I think it is a good poem, but could use background symbolism. Hope this was constructive for you. Thanks for letting us read your work.

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