Im pregnant and my boyfriend wont work! Help

You need to realize that no one and nothing can change anyone, not a baby, not a threat to leave, nothing. If he thinks that its ok for you to work that much and support the family then you need to give him the boot NOW. The only way you can make him help is to file for child support and even though he still may not pay at least you did your job as a mother to try and provide for your child. You can be broke all by yourself, you don’t need anyone helping you become broke. I know this advice sounds difficult but you will thank me in the long run. This man obviously does not care about you or respect you or the baby so why keep him around. You need to do what you need to do right now to take care of you and that baby. Being with a loser and mooch isn’t the answer.

I hope you didnt give up your baby as the last writer advised. I was in the same position as you with my dtr 14 yrs ago. We made it. In the end he gave up his rights and I have a beautiful, wella djusted happy dtr. I cant begin to guess why a man wont take responsibility. 14 yrs after the first experience with a lazy irresponsible man, I find myself in the exact same position. Except I am not pregnant. My bf of 4 yrs refuses to work or marry me. But he doesnt want to let me go either, and each time I break up with him bcuz of this, he comes back, and silly me, I give him another chance. But to no avail, he will not change and now I must break up with him again, inevitably, and go through the whole painful seperation again. I too struggle with how to handle the situation, because I love him, do I live like this, being ‘supportive’ as your would be mother-in-law requested, (why is it that family members make such excuses for these less-than-mature men?) or because I love myself do I shove off, set sail and remain hopeful that one day I will meet someone I love as I have loved him, who loves me equally in return?

I have a little update…it’s me that posted the first time and we have a healthy happy 7 month old little girl and my boyfriend is now working and has been since January, we are both very happy and have a wonderful life together now, I guess it just took him a little while to grow up. I would say thanks for all your advice but the first couple were pretty sick and disgusting lol so I’m a little too normal for the first response.

this may not be the politically correct thing to do but it has to be done to salvage what life you have left. first get an abortion, yes you need to. you are 19 years old and will not be able to meet a decent guy when you have a child nor will you be able to support yourself and the baby. second, dump your loser boyfriend. he’s bad news. 3. go to college and work a part time job. and get a cheap apartment or dorm room. you are going to get through this. its going to be hard but you have to do what you have to do. good luck.

i think you are right for what your saying its not as if your not trying, you should talk to him seriously but it also depends if you are serious about what you are saying, you have two choiced really, accept him for who he is, even if that is a low life looser, or leave him, you cant really change a person if he loved you he would do the best for you and your baby, what does his mother think?

dont get an abortion. if you are not going to keep the baby at least let it live and put it up for adoption

I don’t think you’re a loser because I can understand where you’re coming from. I too am with a boyfriend of whome thinks that when I have our baby that I’m 2 months pregnant with, he wants to be a stay-at-home dad. Granted that’s not your exact situation, for yours is much worse. Because the fact is that one person can not do it alone, well you can but it’s just additional stress that you don’t need on your plate. My suggestion would be to treat him like a child because that’s what he’s acting like. Dumb it down for him and let him know exactly what he needs to do before there will be consequences! Make it clear that you deserve better than this, and if he doesn’t clean up his act then he will lose not only you but also his child.

His mother is a whole other problem. She too knows that he needs to get a job too but she thinks that I’m being too harsh by not speaking to him and constantly nagging him and sometimes even calling him a loser because i get so upset. She says that I need to be supportive and when i said I didn’t think college was the best idea right now for a father to be, she got very offensive and basically said “My son, is GOING to college” I think that’s fine I don’t care what else he does with his life I just want him to work to help support this family and his mother thinks that I need to hold his hand through this whole thing. I’ve tried that approach I’ve tried to help him find jobs and look through the paper with him, that failed so I’m trying the hard ball approach, who knows what will happen. I am not getting an abortion I’ve already falled in love with my child and plus at five months I think its very inhumane. I love my boyfriend so much and we get along so well together, it’s just that one thing that to me seems so simple and to him seems like a mountain to climb. Me and his mother got into it the other day just because she got involved a little too much in my relationship and like i said was getting mad about my way of handling things, but thats just it it’s MY way of handling things and I don’t think I’m wrong. Thank you for your advice and please give me more if you have any!

His mother is a whole other problem. She too knows that he needs to get a job too but she thinks that I’m being too harsh by not speaking to him and constantly nagging him and sometimes even calling him a loser because i get so upset. She says that I need to be supportive and when i said I didn’t think college was the best idea right now for a father to be, she got very offensive and basically said “My son, is GOING to college” I think that’s fine I don’t care what else he does with his life I just want him to work to help support this family and his mother thinks that I need to hold his hand through this whole thing. I’ve tried that approach I’ve tried to help him find jobs and look through the paper with him, that failed so I’m trying the hard ball approach, who knows what will happen. I am not getting an abortion I’ve already falled in love with my child and plus at five months I think its very inhumane. I love my boyfriend so much and we get along so well together, it’s just that one thing that to me seems so simple and to him seems like a mountain to climb. Me and his mother got into it the other day just because she got involved a little too much in my relationship and like i said was getting mad about my way of handling things, but thats just it it’s MY way of handling things and I don’t think I’m wrong. Thank you for your advice and please give me more if you have any!

THE LADIES WHO HAVE BEEN IN A RELATION 4 OR 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIPS I NEED HELP. I BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND A LITTLE OVER 4 YEARS. HE HASNT KEPT A JOB MORE THEN 3 MONTHS AND IS A THIEF AND CONSTANT LIAR. I KNOW IM STUPID TO STAY WITH HIM BUT I BROKE IT OFF LIKE 5 IMES ON AND OFF BUT HE KNOWS HOW TO HAVE ME RIGHT BACK IN HIS ARMS. I LOST MY JOB AND FOUND A SMALL JOB ENOUGH TO PAY BILLS AND NOW LOOK TO FIND A 2ND JOB. HALF OF MY BILLS IS BECAUSE OF HIM AND HE THINKS SINCE ITS ON MY CARD ITS MY RESPONSIBILITY WHICH YES IT IS BUT HE IS THE ONE WHO TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL FOR AN ANXIETY ATTACK THAT HE CAUSED KNOWING I HAD NO INSURANCE. 2 MONTHS LATER I HAD 3,600.00 BILL THAT I AM STILL PAYING ON. HE HAS STOLEN FROM MY FAMILY MONEY FROM MY HOUSE AND MY COUSINS XBOX 360 GAMES WHICH WERE LIKE 70 DOLLARS A PIECE FOR 2 AND ONE WAS 30. HE HAS STOLEN MY CREDIECARD IN THE PAST AND I THOUGHT WE HAD SOLVED THE ISSUE BUT APPARENTLY NOT SINCE HE JUST DONE THIS. I DONT KNOW WHY I AM STAYING WITH HIM. I DONT KNOW IF ITS BECAUSE IM A THICK GIRL AND THINK NO ONE WILL LIKE ME SINCE IM NOT SKINNNY OR IF ITS BECAUSE I THINK I CAN CHANGE HIM WHICH I NOW KNOW IT WONT HAPPEN. I CAN NOT HAVE CHILDREN AND HE WANTS THEM AND I FIGURED THAT KEEP HIM AWAY AND HE SAID AS LONG AS HE HAS ME HE IS FINE. MY GRANDMOTHER SAYS ITS BECAUSE I PAY FOR EVERYTHING WHICH I DONT CAUSE I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY TO PAY AND HE DOES WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND SINCE HE DOESNT WORK? IS HE STEALING MONEY PROBALLY YES. ANYWHO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP AND BE AS BLUNT AS POSSIBLE THATS COOL WITH ME I NEED IT

His mother is a whole other problem, now it seems. She thinks that I should support him through this tough time because he is TRYING. I don’t think it takes too much trying to find a job, any job will do! She is butting in our relationship all of a sudden and called my work the other day to basically tell me that I’m handling the situation all wrong that I need to change my outlook and not to call her son a loser…I call it like I see em. Thank you all for your advice I hope there’s more to come, because I want to make this family work and I love my boyfriend so much

Tell him his only chance to ever see his child is to get a job and help you get a place for your new family. Give him six weeks. If he fails, and he probably will, explain you’re going to give your baby up for adoption. Then really do it. He/She deserves a good home and if you can’t provide that, then you just have to do the right thing, not the selfish thing.

THE LADIES WHO HAVE BEEN IN A RELATION 4 OR 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIPS I NEED HELP. I BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND A LITTLE OVER 4 YEARS. HE HASNT KEPT A JOB MORE THEN 3 MONTHS AND IS A THIEF AND CONSTANT LIAR. I KNOW IM STUPID TO STAY WITH HIM BUT I BROKE IT OFF LIKE 5 IMES ON AND OFF BUT HE KNOWS HOW TO HAVE ME RIGHT BACK IN HIS ARMS. I LOST MY JOB AND FOUND A SMALL JOB ENOUGH TO PAY BILLS AND NOW LOOK TO FIND A 2ND JOB. HALF OF MY BILLS IS BECAUSE OF HIM AND HE THINKS SINCE ITS ON MY CARD ITS MY RESPONSIBILITY WHICH YES IT IS BUT HE IS THE ONE WHO TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL FOR AN ANXIETY ATTACK THAT HE CAUSED KNOWING I HAD NO INSURANCE. 2 MONTHS LATER I HAD 3,600.00 BILL THAT I AM STILL PAYING ON. HE HAS STOLEN FROM MY FAMILY MONEY FROM MY HOUSE AND MY COUSINS XBOX 360 GAMES WHICH WERE LIKE 70 DOLLARS A PIECE FOR 2 AND ONE WAS 30. HE HAS STOLEN MY CREDIECARD IN THE PAST AND I THOUGHT WE HAD SOLVED THE ISSUE BUT APPARENTLY NOT SINCE HE JUST DONE THIS. I DONT KNOW WHY I AM STAYING WITH HIM. I DONT KNOW IF ITS BECAUSE IM A THICK GIRL AND THINK NO ONE WILL LIKE ME SINCE IM NOT SKINNNY OR IF ITS BECAUSE I THINK I CAN CHANGE HIM WHICH I NOW KNOW IT WONT HAPPEN. I CAN NOT HAVE CHILDREN AND HE WANTS THEM AND I FIGURED THAT KEEP HIM AWAY AND HE SAID AS LONG AS HE HAS ME HE IS FINE. MY GRANDMOTHER SAYS ITS BECAUSE I PAY FOR EVERYTHING WHICH I DONT CAUSE I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY TO PAY AND HE DOES WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND SINCE HE DOESNT WORK? IS HE STEALING MONEY PROBALLY YES. ANYWHO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP AND BE AS BLUNT AS POSSIBLE THATS COOL WITH ME I NEED IT.

I know exactly what you feel like…

I’ve known my boyfriend for 5 years though we’ve only been dating for albout 7 months. Before we began dating I was dating a 25 yr old who always provided. He made sure we always had the rent paid, there was food in the fridge and occasionally I had a weekend of shopping. Towards the end of the relationship, about 3 months after we were engaged, he began drinking more which made him violent and possessive. Eventually I left him for my long time crush which is my current boyfriend and in about 4 months will be my ‘’baby daddy’’. He lives with a friend and pays rent when he can. The closer I get to becoming a mom the more scared I get imagining that my mother and grandmother will still be supporting me when the baby comes. The last thing I imagined for my life was this. My boyfriend used to make a lot of money but it was illegally so I figured it seemed fit to change those things that wouldnt benefit us in the long run, when I found out I was pregnant. He has started about 5 jobs in the past month and a half but something always happens. He found a new job today and I am praying that this will be threal thing!! I really want to make a happy family…I guess all we can do is keep believing while keeping the baby’s well being in mind. It’s so hard being strong at a time like this!!

His mother is a whole other problem, now it seems. She thinks that I should support him through this tough time because he is TRYING. I don’t think it takes too much trying to find a job, any job will do! She is butting in our relationship all of a sudden and called my work the other day to basically tell me that I’m handling the situation all wrong that I need to change my outlook and not to call her son a loser…I call it like I see em. Thank you all for your advice I hope there’s more to come, because I want to make this family work and I love my boyfriend so much

His mother is a whole other problem, now it seems. She thinks that I should support him through this tough time because he is TRYING. I don’t think it takes too much trying to find a job, any job will do! She is butting in our relationship all of a sudden and called my work the other day to basically tell me that I’m handling the situation all wrong that I need to change my outlook and not to call her son a loser…I call it like I see em. Thank you all for your advice I hope there’s more to come, because I want to make this family work and I love my boyfriend so much

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