I Want to Tell Him the Truth But...

Okay so there is this issue that I have been dealing with which is I’m having a problem of wither or not I should say something to this guy. I use to consider him a really great guy friend and I always loved to just talk to him. But that all changed when he left for college and just gave me hints that all we could ever be is butt buddies. So I gave up on him for a couple of months by not talking to him. Within those months I began to wonder if he was doing alright and also I was curious about his offer.

Finally I gave in and a few months later we ended up sleeping together. It of course didn’t feel right because I always thought of him as just a friend. I didn’t like the sex, the kissing, and even the cuddling because I didn’t even recognize him in those moments. I know that’s weird thing to say but I miss the old friendship. I know it can never go back to the things they use to be because I know he will refuse to be anything other than butt buddies. I just feel guilty of lying to him about actually wanting to be butt buddies. I had to say/do things that I know is completely opposite from myself.

I just did it because I wanted to see my old friend again even if he wasn’t a great guy. I just can’t find myself really moving on because its hard to find someone that I can just tell anything too and not worry about being judged. I want to tell him that I lied too him but I don’t know why I do because I know he will never say anything about it. He won’t respond and it defiantly won’t change anything. Should I tell him or what can I do about this?