I want a guy like him or I want him

my dad’s family are muslims, I’m not a muslim yet (still thinking about it), any way, my cousin! he’s a muslim, and he’s 11 years older than me!! I really like him, but I can’t tell him cause I’m not even allowed to SEE HIM!! I don’t know what to do! I’ve been loving him since I was 3 years old and til’ now all the relationships I had with boys wern’t succesfull cause I still like him!!! I’m single, he’s 25 I’m 13!!! it might sound a bit crazy but he’s the only one who stands by my side sometimes and when I cry nobody cares but him! he was the only one I used to play with when I was a kid!! but now I’m not allowed to even see him! and I can’t find a good guy like him! he’s sweet and playful, lovable, funny, sometimes crazy, he’s beautiful from the inside and all the way to the outside!!! I like him so much, but I’m not sure if he does!!! I told mom, but she laughed and she told me that when you grow up you will laugh at yourself about loving him! she told me I like him cause he’s the best between all the other boys in my family!! I still like him and I want a guy like him and better than him, but I can’t find any good ones!!! can anybody tell me how to find a boy like him?