I told my best friend I was in love with him.

Ok, here I go, we dated for a few months and he moved away with his family, far away to the other side of the country, we kept in touch through phone calls and email but basically went on with our lives. A year and a half later I land a job not two hours from where he lives and we reconnected. We usually see each other on Sunday’s or every other Sunday, which is very much not enough. He works 6 days a week and has family obligations 8 days a week. My point is, his time is not his own 90% of the time. We are the best of friends but he’s got a lot on his plate and doesn’t really have much time for himself let alone a relatioship, his commitments are extremely heavy. And I understand that. The problem is, I love him so much it hurts, he’s my first thought in the morning, on and off throughout the day and my last thought before I go to sleep. We’ve recently added a “benefits package” to the friendship, it was actually his idea (surprise surprise). I usually have a problem with intamacy but with him I feel so comfortable and not at all self-concious, it feels so right really.
One day he tells me he’s ready to settle down and start a family, basicly grow up. We’re both pushing 30, so it’s about time. He’s mentioned that my moving cross-country for work and ending up so close to him, of all places in this country, might be a sign that we’re supposed to be together; his words. In the next breath he tells me he wants to live for himself for a little while and he’s not ready to commit. He’s extremely busy and constantly being pulled in all kinds of directions by everyone around him, so I understand what he’s saying here, he want’s some “me” time without being locked down. I tend to wear my heart on my sleve, so I really don’t need to say how I feel, except I needed to say how I feel. Everybody around us sees it but him, we’re great together and his family loves me and I think of them as my second family; we all get along so well and have such good times. His father wonders what’s wrong with him for not seeing the “catch” he has in me and hasn’t asked me to marry him yet. So I put it all out on the line the other day and told him exactly what I thought about him and how I felt. I told him that I was in love with him and that he was my number one, the most important person in my life besides my family. He said he knew how I felt but he had too much going on in his life right now, and he couldn’t give me the attention that I deserved. At least he aknowleged it…does it mean he might feel something too? I told him I’ve been so afraid to tell him because I didn’t want to push him away, engage his fight or flight response, and ruin the amazing friendship we have. But I knew that because the friendship is so strong, I could say it and we would be ok. He told me that he wasn’t going anywhere, I didn’t push him away. I left the conversation as stress and pressure free as possible by telling him I didn’t need him to respond in kind, I was just putting my feelings out there. Left the ball in his court. I just didn’t want to let another day go by and not let him know what I truly felt inside. He didn’t respond in kind, but he didn’t change the subject, stutter or run away screaming. So…now that I got that elephant off of my chest…what do I do now? I know sometimes guys have trouble with feelings and commitment, it’s in their nature for the most part. Not all. Obviously the next phase is a “wait and see” phase, but how long do I wait for a response of some kind? Should I give him a month and then ask him if he’s given this conversation any thought? Or leave it alone? My sister says I should date other people, but I’m an honest person and have trouble with the concept of just going through the motions for the sake of it…leading somebody else on; I’m not emotionally available because I’m in love with him. She also thinks I should keep my distance for a while, not call him and such, give him some space and time to absorb and process it. My last engagement failed miserably, the guy made violent scumbags look good. I feel such a good thing here with this guy, my gut tells me he’s the one. I’ve never felt like this about anybody. Any thoughts?

M

Answer #1

hmmm tough I would do what your sis says and date more people I mean once he sees that he might lose you he will make up his mind faster and grab you off the market (lol)

Answer #2

I know what you mean about the breathing thing. Its hard to do today. And I think you’re on track with me about wanting him to ready with his head in the game. That’s why I told him that when he figures out how he feels, I’ll be right here.

Answer #3

I have almost the exact same problem but the difference is I am the guy and I am younger and I am not trying to have her marry me eater just go out with me its the same kind of concept sorry I dont know. fun mail me if you want

Answer #4

Just give it some time, but most of all you need to BREATHE! I kinda went throught the same thing and we are finally 2gether. What you have to relize is that even thugh you are in love with him you still want him to be happy. You dont want him to go into a relationship and his head isn’t in the right place, or he doesnt have a clear mind-set.

At the same time he might be worried about your emotins and how your going to want to be treated, or how he doesn’t want to hurt you, because of the way you feel about him.

Maybe you should give him some time, and if you truely cant wait then write to him this way your not face to face and the 1 on 1 tension is gone and he might be able to express hisself that way

Hope I Helped! : )

More Like This

Love & Relationships

Dating, Marriage, Breakups

Ask an advisor one-on-one!

Online Love Problem Solution ...

Astrology Services, Relationship Counseling, Online Services

World Best Astro

Astrology services, Domain sales, Professional services

Love Bird Ceremonies

Marriage Celebrants, Wedding Services, Event Planning Services