I need advice on this song

I wrote this, I’m not done with it, yet, but here’s what I got:

“ His eyes sparkle like diamonds They’ll stun you just, walking by His eyes shine like the sun They’re beautiful, Just like a, clear blue sky

And I don’t know how, he does this to me And I, don’t know why, but I, can’t even breathe

He has beautiful eyes I’m so hynotized He has beautiful eyes Oh, beautiful eyes”

What do you guys think so far?

Answer #1

Very good although try not to repeat beautifull too much it looses some appeal

Answer #2

It sounds ok so far… but it could stand work too.

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