How to tell my parents I want to move out?

I’m 20 years old so I realise I’m not really as young as the 18 year olds nor am I quite there at the 21 ‘oh you’re an adult’ stage.

My parents don’t like me spending time outside of the house - it really bugs them that I’m not home once it turns dark. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend whom I have been dating for a year and a half and whom my father is also in denial about. My mum has said I shouldn’t tell my dad about it because it will just make him ridiculously angry.

I was kicked out a few times last year by my dad for coming home late around 11ish or midnight a few times (he’s the one that mainly has the issues but I know my mum isn’t very happy when I’m not home) but my mum never actually let him fully shove me out of the house. But I decided after a few explosive and verbal abusive outbursts from my dad that it would probably be healthier for everyone if I moved out for a bit. I treated it as a break from my parents - and my mother supported me when I did move out because she knew the situation at home was getting worse.

So I was living in student housing for about 8-9 months and I had a job so I could pay for most of my own things but my mum did help me out as well. And the family situation improved. But I had to move back home at the end of 2007 for a bit because my lease at student housing ended and so I had to find a different place. The first day I moved back - my dad chucked a massive fit (for reasons unknown - I think something about how I was a useless daughter for not helping them out at their workplace [they own their own company, wanted me to help, but I had uni and my own job to deal with]) and I got kicked out again and he said I had to find a different place. So I did - but recently he has changed his mind and wants me back but still with certain ‘conditions’.

To cut an extremely long story short: I am still at home and living under my ‘dad’s reign of his house his rules’ (he decided he wanted me to continue living at home to keep my mum company) I quit my job and am now working for my parents instead (which I know makes them happier) - but I no longer want to continue living at home, because I can support myself out of home and have already experienced living independently. But when I’m living at home, there’s a lot of things I can’t do - stay out late, sleepover at friend’s place, and spend time with my boyfriend.

I’m not planning on doing the immature thing of moving out with my boyfriend, because I know that would aggravate my parents more and besides I still need my own space. But I do spend a lot of time with him and he is an important part of my life along with my family and friends.

The problem now is I don’t know how to break it to my parents that I want to move out, and it was different last time because my dad kicked me out so many times before it made things easier. I don’t want to make my relationship with my parents worse but I don’t think I can really be the good daughter they want if I continue living at home and I miss the ability to make decisions on my own without having to ask my parents permission to do anything. it has been frustrating me for so long I need some advice :(