How to speak up about not loving him?

Well unfortunately you tangled everything here up yourself. For starters, your reasoning has been terrible and so that is why it has come to you having to make some decisions here. I cannot tell you what to do, but I can explain the benefits of certain courses of action which will hopefully lead to this issue being resolved.

First of all you have said that even when you started this relationship that you are in, you were already thinking about another guy. You should never involve yourself with somebody on this level if you cannot devote yourself to them (in a boyfriend sense). When you have a genuine and undying interest in somebody else, you have to focus on that rather than looking for someone else to fill the gap because the odds are that the new person will not fill it at all. This was your first mistake and it was a tremendous one. Already because of this you have put this new guy in a position where he can be hurt and this all came about due to a lack of proper thinking.

Away from that, you have said that you are not in love with your boyfriend and I can think of two reasons for that which are as obvious as anybody could imagine. First of all, you have only been dating for four days. If you think that love can generate within that time or that it begins before a relationship, then I doubt you know what love is in the slightest. This guy has not been given the chance to make you feel that way and it is obvious to me that you are unwilling to open up to the idea. Furthermore, if you are thinking about another guy (and have been since before this relationship started), what chance do you honestly think there is of you ever loving this new guy? No matter which angle you look at this matter from; you never gave your boyfriend a chance and hence you dating him was a bad and selfish idea (I’m not trying to offend with this).

In relation to your boyfriend, I would suggest that you actually take the time to explain all of this to him. You have betrayed his trust and you are probably going to hurt him later anyway and I think you owe him an explanation as to why this relationship was never going to work (be honest and tell him about the guy you like and all the issues surrounding him). If you talk to him, he will at least understand that it was not his fault that this relationship didn’t work and that would be doing him some justice. He will probably blame you, but he will have every right to do so no matter which way you look at it.

You shouldn’t be with someone if you can’t get your mind off somebody else. Guys aren’t like fish. You can’t just hook one to see what he’s like and then throw him back. You need to be ready to commit yourself to being with that guy and then see how things turn out. You have disrespected him in this regard also and I think this should be included in the apology/ explanation that you really do owe him.

As for this other guy (the one that you actually do like), I would recommend that you stop beating around the bush and actually talk to him about this. If you really like him and he likes you back, there are not too many things which are keeping you apart. If there were, then he wouldn’t care about you having a boyfriend and the idea of not being with that guy would not be eating you up so much. You need to put things into perspective because I think your situation explains itself and the courses of action which you have to take are remarkably obvious. Tell this guy how you feel about him and see what can become of the two of you.

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for you, but you do owe your boyfriend an apology and an explanation. Talk to him about this and see what happens between the two of you (that is what I would recommend). Then I would advise that you drop all of the insecurity and talk to the guy that you really do care about. If you can’t get him out of your head, then there is obviously a reason for that (the two of you probably have a decent connection). Good people are hard to find and if you really like this guy and he likes you back, then don’t let him go. Explain your feelings to him and see what can become of the two of you in the future. I hope you manage to sort this one out (if you haven’t already) :).