How do I convince my mom that she deserves better?

I can’t stand my mom’s boyfriend (or exboyfriend)– I dont know anymore. everybody in my family doesn’t like him, my brothers and I HATE him, he has no friends, he has trouble with his work & family, etc. he’s been with my mom 3 years on and off. -more from an agruing point of view. whenever he is with my mom, he treats her like shyt. everything goes his way or he will biitch. if you get on his badside he will literally yell, swear, say the nastyest things to you. my mom won’t do ANYTHING about it. they have “broken up” so many times before, buht they always get back together. whenever he isn’t with my mom, he is always texting & calling her saying “I’m sorry, I love you, I dont want to lose you, etc” bullshyt like that after he just said “fuuck you, I don’t want you anymore”. then she’s like “I dont ever want to talk to you again” thennn like the next say she starts talking to him and denying it to my bro’s and I. he knows I don’t like him. my mom and him had went to couple therapy a while back ago and even the therapist said that he has a problem and no body can help him and that the relationship betwen him and my mom wasn’t a good thing. he is veryyy verbally abusive. I told my mom how I felt about him and she just doesn’t do shyt about it. she doesn’t care and I’m starting to believe that she doesn’t think she’ll find someone better out there… what should I do to convice her?

Answer #1

Dear youresexualxl, The real question is about your mother’s self-esteem. That you cannot change, only she can. They should not be going to couple therapy, your mother needs to go to a therapist on her own. She needs to be in a place where she can talk honestly with someone while he isn’t around. See if you can have a sister, aunt, best friend or someone talk with your mother. Both you and your brother need to stop talking with her about it…stop totally. You also need to be nice…you need to stop all arguing with him and your mom. If he says something nasty walk away, if he says pick up your stuff you do it and walk away. You should not have any verbal confrontation with him at all. You aren’t going to win this one…your mom doesn’t believe she can do better, until she does she will keep him around. You can’t change anyone but yourself…so you change your attitude and stop all arguing. With luck your mother will see a counsellor and your behaviour change will scare the heck out of this guy. He stays to play the game…no game, no playing, no fun…he’s gone. Sue…good luck

Answer #2

I was in a relationship where I was abused. every one told me to leave and I could do better. I didnt listen I was blind with what I beleived to be love. it took someone else showing me it didnt have to be that way. some one treating me good. I finally left. whe will have to figure it out on her own. I doubt she will see it from your way.

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