what do you think of this poem? (new one)

yet again another poem. and yah, I wrote this one in like 5minutes, so it’s not the best thing ever.

he says my name I melt inside everything disapaers when I look in his eyes. he says whats up? I quickly reply and my sudden joy is quickly denied. he just smiles and laughs not having a clue that in that moment I ache to say I love you. he caries on to him it means nothing but I study every detail hoping it means something. but deep inside I know it does not I just want him so much my heart is distraut. I walk away, still thinking of him while he drifts off never to be seen again.

Answer #1

I liked it. I write a lot of poetry myself. I kind of laughed at the previous comment ‘long sad and stuff.” a lot of poems I read on this site I can’t bring myself to even comment cause they are pretty awful. I like this, Something about the last line doesn’t really fit I don’t think. I think maybe if you wrote something that rhymed with the word ‘him’ it would flow better? Maybe something like ‘his love I will never win’ or something like that? Anyway, good job :)

Answer #2

Yeah, that’s good, long, sad and stuff but good. Personally I prefer happy/funny poems but that is good.

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