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How do I get my parents to realize I need to move out?
How do I tell my control freak mom that I need to move out of the house??? I’m 19 years old, I am going to college (majoring in Criminal Justice), looking for a job, and am planning on moving in with my boyfriend of soon to be a year.
Step 1 - get a job, I know this, and I’m going to get the job before I tell my mom I am moving.
Well my mom pays for my brother’s rent (he’s 24 this year), and looks after him, let him move across the country for a girl he met once on a cruise ship. MY situation, is I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months, we dated a few years ago, but I was sent away…(no comment). My mom tries to tell me what degree to go into, what to wear, and what to eat. I’m just over 5 feet tall, I weigh 103 lbs and she’s still trying to get me to diet.
She’s horrid. I’m not happy at home, I avoid being home if I know my mom is there. She tells me I’m fat, I need to change my hair (so it looks like hers), my friends aren’t good enough, I don’t have enough girl friends, I need to excersize, and the everlasting comment “but you could look better” if you wash your face, look like me, are manipulating, anorexic skinny, etc. It’s getting to me…
She’s trying to get me to pay for my own gas, my own food, and my other bills (like my cell phone). Why don’t I just move out and take care of my responsibilities instead of having all this stress from her when I can do everything without her?
I understand that moving in with my boyfriend is “a bad idea”. I have heard that plenty of times because of the idea of playing “house” and not being married. It would be me, him, and one of our guy friends. It’s not so we can play house, it’s all because we need a house to go to.
My parents said if I move in with him, I lose my tuition and my car…how do I convince them that I’m not just moving in to move in with him? I’m moving into an apartment so I can get my own space and have a more relaxed atmosphere.
P.S. I think it’s weird for both my mom and I because she sent me to boarding school for my senior year last year. I lived across the country, in my own room, with my own things, to make my own decisions, and eat what I like, and dress in my own style. I’m home now, and she is setting me curfews, and being ridiculously over-controlling.
Please help. Oh, and this idea of moving isn’t for next week. This is in probably 3 months? maybe longer, who knows. shrugs I just want some other opinions.
you’re your own person and she needs to respect that. she has no control over you any more and you need to explain that to her. best of luck to you~~!!
you need to get a master plan together and stick to it. I started my master plan at age 10 I was out of the house at age (just turned) 17 becuase I went to college a year early. PEACE OUT MOM!!! we get a long great now.
you need to sit her down and tell her this is YOUR life, not hers. and that you care not for her tips.
best advice I can give you is do not move with your boyfriend. Not because oooh its bad… or because of religious morals, or anything like that. Ask yourself in all seriousness - is this the man I am going to marry? yes sure, no - what are you going to do at the point that you both break off? do not be dependant on his share of the rent and all all that . I can tell you the marraoge rate of people that started at 19 is not very positive. She will also respect you for doing it on your own without him, she may be able to accept that.
tell your mom that the first thing uv learned was that it is against the law to hold a person hostage!…just kidding..you have to make her feel comfortable and close so she doesnt worry
well I think you shud just do it..your 19 no one shud be telling you what to do anymore if you know you can make it with out her then go for it im kinda in the same situation..and I turned 19 3days after you soo happy belated bday…GO AQUARIUS…LOL..funmail me if you wud like…
Honestly, I’m not sure what you can do since she does control your tuition. But do ask her if she would willingly forsake your education just to make a point. Is that truly how much she cares about your future… (And think about it yourself… they are your parents, would they casually throw away your future like that?) Are there any girlfriends you can move in with? Or perhaps consider rooming with someone else… I know it sucks you cant move in with your boyfriend (and I dont see any problem with it), but maybe some sort of compromise? At the end of the day it is up to you… You could wait it out till you’re done with school, and then they have no hold over you whatsoever… Or you could work and go to school, or you could get loans… or you could just hope that they care more about you than their pride and will continue to pay for your tuition…
Since you’re not moving out next week, then perhaps nikking off her “controls”, little ones first, might be the way to go…Like…”Mom, I think it’s time for me to feed and dress myself, without your input,,,if I get fat or look like crap, I’ll take full responsibility”… Then take the reins and do so. “Mom…I’m old enough to know when I should be home, in order to not be tired for school…I’m setting my own crufew”…then follow your own curfew. I don’t know if she’s holding school over your head for these small controls, but probably not??
As for moving in with your boyfriend, she does have ya in a corner on that one…and this is where you’d have to make a big decision…Can I make it on my own, without her help…using school loans? It’s been done by hundreds of thousands of others…
There’s the option of finding someone else to room with to make living more affordable, and then spending time with your boyfriend as you see fit…without technically living with him.
Mom’s are just “us” a few years down the road…I’m sure you’ve fought about all these things plenty of times…but, have you sat down calmly (emphasis on YOU being the calm one)…and talked about any of this? Calmness begets calmness…don’t let her push your buttons…keeping in mind that YOU have a goal, and that is to get unleashed from her apron…She actually might open up and say what going on with her…once she’s said it, and sees that you can understand it (which doesn’t mean at all that you agree, just that you can “see” it)…she’ may very well be more open about sending her daughter out into the world.
p
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