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for y'all men online. how do I deal with this?
I’m 22, and has this younger friend who’s 17, let’s call him Pete, and he would do things way out of a normal friendly relationship goes. he is kind of introvert, I mean he has friends, but he limits people getting into his life. we started being friends, meeting him on a local grocery store, and he volunteered giving me a ride to my apartment (he lives 2 blocks away from my flat). from there, he asked me to call him whenever I need a ride, or somebody to talk to and all, because I wrecked my car last december due to an accident on a freeway. anyway, he manages to call me 4am in the morning, since he knows that my work’s at 6am, and he asks questions as if he’s my boyfriend. he even picks me up from work after his class, to send me home. whenever I don’t call him back, he leaves a lotta voice messages on my homefone, telling me he is sad not having the chance to talk to me that day, or even having a glimpse of me. I can’t afford to hurt him by saying he’s soo young to be my guy, he’s almost perfect but he’s too young for me. I’d prefer my guy to be at least 30 or so. how do I deal with this? help.. :’(
right.. oh, good! I should start talking to him later.. I’d update you after we talk..Ü
I’d still want to be his friend, but can’t think of him as my lover. I hope things would work accordingly as I plan it. thanks carlito..Ü
Sorry to say that a good rejection is still a rejection no matter which way you look at it. Introverts tend to mature faster in the mind so they tend to make company with those a few years their senior. The age difference isn’t that bad if it wasn’t such a defining period in life. There is no magic easy button for this matter but I would suggest that you point out to him that despite the fact that you share the same level of maturity, there is still a difference in experience. Because the age difference wouldn’t be so bad if you were both about three or four years older. But experience in life is very important, living on your own paying your own way though life is difficult to adapt to. I would like for you to reconsider dating someone in their 30s, they are single for a reason and are probably in some mid life crisis trying to relive the glory days. I know this for a fact because my friends who are in their 30s are pissing away their retirement on fancy cars and expensive dates. There is a good reason to marry in your 20’s and that is for a solid financial future. I hope everything goes smooth, nothing worse then a friendship spoiled by love.
it makes a lotta sense to me.. so, should I try spending sometime with pete, to talk things over, and come up to a solution? he just messaged me now, telling me that he had a nice day giving me a lift to my apartment. sigh I am so sandwiched.. between my conscience and my feelings.. I wish he’s at least of my age. maybe we can work things out if that’s the case.. :’(
From what it sounds like the age is your conscience that is telling you that you do not love him, yet your feelings say otherwise. Tell him that before any serious commitment can be made priorities must be taken care of first. Tell him that at if he were serious about you then he would recognize that you need someone who is stable (employed and self sufficient). I would try to maintain a smile while making eye contact, any other way and it would seem as though you are talking down to him which would be insulting. Introverts suffer from low self esteem while being exceptionally smart, they can spot insincerity pretty easily. G-d bless
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